When the other child is acting up, what do you do?

I can’t say that I have free range children, but I can’t say that they are not either. My children are mostly considerate, respectfull and abide by the rules. They have great personalities, and talk to almost anyone, but have great manners…most of the time. I say this because they are not the most well behaved children that I’ve ever been around, but they are kids.

Now saying this , I’ve also been in charge of many different types of children. Some of the children have been so well behaved that I want my children to be their clones (Not really, but you know what I mean) others have been so bad that I want to grab my children and run, both for their sanity and my own.

I love children. What I don’t love is when a child’s behavior has been overlooked because of some excuse or another. The child’s parent’s have been divorced, they are ADHD, little Suzy is too young to wipe her own face (or butt), Bobby lives with his grandparents etc… Children that have been told they are too young to do so and so, will always think that lets them off the hook for that chore, children that are winning think its ok to whine and cry because they had a bad day.

To the parents of these children: HELLO! Do you think this is helping your child? What do you think the person keeping your child for the day is supposed to do when their children decide that your child is too whinny to play with? When everyone refuses to take your child for the day because of their behavior, do you think its their fault or your own? Do you get your feelings hurt?

To the caretakers of these children: How do you handle this child? Do you talk to the parents? Do you treat this child different from your own? Do you refuse to keep this child or make up excuses? What do you tell your own kids about this situation?

I”d love to have your comments here. I have a commenting system set up that allows for replies to individual posts, so please reply to everyone.

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July 1, 2009 | Filed Under Family

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Stephanie

I agree w/ you !!! My kids are not perfect but there is no excuse for thier bad behavior. They know if they are bad they will be punished later. But I have a niece that never get 's in trouble, even when my child is doing somethinhg right along side her. The excuse's from grandma, I only get her every other weekend, I dont want her to hate me, Or she dosnet have a mommy and a daddy that love each other( divorced) seprated b4 she was even born or she wil say She get's so upset when we yell at her that she cries. Granted when she was 2 or even 3 I might say ok ( her mom n dad was on heroin when she was born)and we didnt know what might be wrong with her since her mom wouldn't tell us. But she is almost 6 now. Sorry this sound's like a rant. I really do love this child. What scares me is that her and my daughter are so close. Kk loves her and put's up with her not sharing and being mean on purpuse. But when they are teenager's I'm scared they will get in trouble together.
Stephanie

I agree w/ you !!! My kids are not perfect but there is no excuse for thier bad behavior. They know if they are bad they will be punished later. But I have a niece that never get 's in trouble, even when my child is doing somethinhg right along side her. The excuse's from grandma, I only get her every other weekend, I dont want her to hate me, Or she dosnet have a mommy and a daddy that love each other( divorced) seprated b4 she was even born or she wil say She get's so upset when we yell at her that she cries. Granted when she was 2 or even 3 I might say ok ( her mom n dad was on heroin when she was born)and we didnt know what might be wrong with her since her mom wouldn't tell us. But she is almost 6 now. Sorry this sound's like a rant. I really do love this child. What scares me is that her and my daughter are so close. Kk loves her and put's up with her not sharing and being mean on purpuse. But when they are teenager's I'm scared they will get in trouble together.
http://thotsofamom.blogspot.com/ LaDonna

This is a tough thing. It is so easy to step on toes.

A child in my care, will obey my rules. I have 5 children; no they are not the best behaved but they are not terrors either. And they are disciplined when they do misbehave.

Yesterday at our Canada Day celebration we had a bouncy slide thingy. And my 2yob kept butting to the front of the line. I stayed with him and taught him the rules and I got his sisters (6 and 7) to keep an eye on him that he didn't keep doing this. He didn't "get" it. He kept going to the front and pushing everyone out of the way. Finally, I just said, "fine, you can't obey the rules, no more slide for the rest of the day." Well, he was not happy about that and there were many attempts to get back on that slide, a few hissy fits and other such behaviors, but he never went back on the slide. And he never disturbed anyone's Canada Day Celebration.

I can't say that's true for a few others that were there.

Do I correct other peoples' children? Yep! If I'm in a park and there is a child being mean or throwing sand or stones or pushing. I step in if I don't see a parent responding or if they are not around. I mean, heck, if a parent wants to and is an active parent, I let them go at their own kid! But I believe we need to look out for each others' kids. If my kid is being rotten I'd expect someone else to step in if I was not around or not stepping up.

Take for example my 2yob and my 4yog. They are whiners! And it drives me crazy. It drives my friend crazy. I mentioned it and right away she's like "I agree!!!" lol. So we're working on it.

The problem I'm running into is that my children are a little more free range than most. So I give my children permission to do this or go there and my kids are told by others that they shouldn't or whatever. I extended my kids boundary and I was told I should change it. My children were walking down the side of the street and I got a phone call "just to let me know". I knew where they were, could see them from my window!

So I guess the "it takes a community to raise a child" bothers me in a way. I want it to work but I feel like a bad parent when my parenting gets "reprimanded" by another.
http://thotsofamom.blogspot.com LaDonna

This is a tough thing. It is so easy to step on toes.

A child in my care, will obey my rules. I have 5 children; no they are not the best behaved but they are not terrors either. And they are disciplined when they do misbehave.

Yesterday at our Canada Day celebration we had a bouncy slide thingy. And my 2yob kept butting to the front of the line. I stayed with him and taught him the rules and I got his sisters (6 and 7) to keep an eye on him that he didn't keep doing this. He didn't "get" it. He kept going to the front and pushing everyone out of the way. Finally, I just said, "fine, you can't obey the rules, no more slide for the rest of the day." Well, he was not happy about that and there were many attempts to get back on that slide, a few hissy fits and other such behaviors, but he never went back on the slide. And he never disturbed anyone's Canada Day Celebration.

I can't say that's true for a few others that were there.

Do I correct other peoples' children? Yep! If I'm in a park and there is a child being mean or throwing sand or stones or pushing. I step in if I don't see a parent responding or if they are not around. I mean, heck, if a parent wants to and is an active parent, I let them go at their own kid! But I believe we need to look out for each others' kids. If my kid is being rotten I'd expect someone else to step in if I was not around or not stepping up.

Take for example my 2yob and my 4yog. They are whiners! And it drives me crazy. It drives my friend crazy. I mentioned it and right away she's like "I agree!!!" lol. So we're working on it.

The problem I'm running into is that my children are a little more free range than most. So I give my children permission to do this or go there and my kids are told by others that they shouldn't or whatever. I extended my kids boundary and I was told I should change it. My children were walking down the side of the street and I got a phone call "just to let me know". I knew where they were, could see them from my window!

So I guess the "it takes a community to raise a child" bothers me in a way. I want it to work but I feel like a bad parent when my parenting gets "reprimanded" by another.
Amber

I could get very long winded about this topic. I understand what you are saying but I don't know that I agree. I think it's easy to pass judgment we all do it, myself included. But it does not make it right. Who but God decides what is the proper or improper way to rear a child. The verse that says spare the rod and spoil the child depending on a persons interpretation could very well open the door for letting things slide. I think before anyone can decide whether an adult is being to passive when it comes to discipline needs to see the big picture and make sure they have all of the facts. Ones up bringing and life experiences can effect the way they discipline. I am sure that in some instances the way you or me or any of the ladies we interact with on here has times where are disciplining styles clash. Who gets to decide which persons method is better then others.

I think if you have a concern about the way a child has acted when the parent isn't around you should most certainly address it with their parent(s) but don't completely throw their child under the bus. People don't take it well when they feel like it's an attack, but it definitely should be brought to their attention. If they feel you are wrong you likely get an "oh okay" if they realize there is a problem they will probably engage you with some like "we've been trying to deal with it, it's hard we don't know what to do" or something like that ya know? If a child is in your care as long as they are capable of understanding what respecting an adult is they should have to follow your rules. That being said if they do something wrong I think you should pull them aside (no other child is around) you should explain to them what they did and let them know that you don't do that at your house and why…and let them go back to playing. If they do it again then pull them aside and give an age appropriate discipline…within reason. If you decide you don't want to keep that child don't make excuses. Their parents can't take a stand if they don't know the problem…if you think it will cause tension be honest to the point of saying with looking after my own children and adding another child to the mix it's just proving to be too much for me to handle. Because with the way their child behaves it is too much to deal with. Lastly when it comes to your own children, if they don't ask questions and they know your expectations why do you really need to make an example of the other child. Maybe at the end of the day just compliment them on how proud of their behavior you are. If they do ask questions about the way that child acted then approach it with a short child friendly explanation.
Amber

I could get very long winded about this topic. I understand what you are saying but I don't know that I agree. I think it's easy to pass judgment we all do it, myself included. But it does not make it right. Who but God decides what is the proper or improper way to rear a child. The verse that says spare the rod and spoil the child depending on a persons interpretation could very well open the door for letting things slide. I think before anyone can decide whether an adult is being to passive when it comes to discipline needs to see the big picture and make sure they have all of the facts. Ones up bringing and life experiences can effect the way they discipline. I am sure that in some instances the way you or me or any of the ladies we interact with on here has times where are disciplining styles clash. Who gets to decide which persons method is better then others.

I think if you have a concern about the way a child has acted when the parent isn't around you should most certainly address it with their parent(s) but don't completely throw their child under the bus. People don't take it well when they feel like it's an attack, but it definitely should be brought to their attention. If they feel you are wrong you likely get an "oh okay" if they realize there is a problem they will probably engage you with some like "we've been trying to deal with it, it's hard we don't know what to do" or something like that ya know? If a child is in your care as long as they are capable of understanding what respecting an adult is they should have to follow your rules. That being said if they do something wrong I think you should pull them aside (no other child is around) you should explain to them what they did and let them know that you don't do that at your house and why…and let them go back to playing. If they do it again then pull them aside and give an age appropriate discipline…within reason. If you decide you don't want to keep that child don't make excuses. Their parents can't take a stand if they don't know the problem…if you think it will cause tension be honest to the point of saying with looking after my own children and adding another child to the mix it's just proving to be too much for me to handle. Because with the way their child behaves it is too much to deal with. Lastly when it comes to your own children, if they don't ask questions and they know your expectations why do you really need to make an example of the other child. Maybe at the end of the day just compliment them on how proud of their behavior you are. If they do ask questions about the way that child acted then approach it with a short child friendly explanation.
http://intensedebate.com/people/PolkaSpotFarm PolkaSpotFarm

What do you do when your child is being treated differently than another child, by a 3rd party adult in charge? For instance Child A is having a hissy fit over everything, Child B whines about 1 small thing, Adult punishes Child B more severely than Child A.

Amber

I don't personally think a child should be punished for whining…even we as adults whine about stuff from time to time. I think a stern "that is enough" and explanation as to why there will be no whining.

As for the unfair adult I would personally probably just not let that person in-charge of my child again or ask that if there is a problem that they please let me know so that I can deal with it.

http://intensedebate.com/people/PolkaSpotFarm PolkaSpotFarm

What do you do when your child is being treated differently than another child, by a 3rd party adult in charge? For instance Child A is having a hissy fit over everything, Child B whines about 1 small thing, Adult punishes Child B more severely than Child A.

Amber

I don't personally think a child should be punished for whining…even we as adults whine about stuff from time to time. I think a stern "that is enough" and explanation as to why there will be no whining.

As for the unfair adult I would personally probably just not let that person in-charge of my child again or ask that if there is a problem that they please let me know so that I can deal with it.